Managing stress - The Goldilocks Effect

Where is the "just right" point between too little stimulation and too much stress?

I recently took a fascinating course on Neuroscience and Coaching, looking at the brain’s plasticity how it can grow and change throughout our lifetime, and how coaching can be a catalyst to this process. I learned about the latest brain research into how we think, feel, and change, and explored what actually works to create real, lasting transformation. There used to be a school of thought that it is difficult for the brain to change, once it's moved past the teenage years, but neuroscience proves that the brain continues to change given the right environmental factors. The old saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is simply not true.

One of the topics we covered in the course was stress, not only looking at the brain in relation to having too much stress but also what happens when we have too little engagement. Have you ever been in a job where you’ve been under-stimulated OR have you been in a job where you feel you’re never on top of anything?

In my recruitment days, I worked on-site for a particularly demanding client group. I was putting in long hours and bringing work home at weekends because I couldn’t keep up with the pace. The result was I made lots of mistakes, e-mailing people the wrong information, there were lots of tears and I wasn’t able to think clearly. On the flip side, I’ve also worked in a recruitment role where I was under-stimulated and had similar feelings of not being able to think clearly because I felt bored and underutilised.

In this course, I learned about the pre-frontal cortex (PFC), the part of the brain that is responsible for our levels of stress. The PCF plays a role in many important executive functions or high-level thinking such as:

• goal direction

• abstract concepts

• memory encoding and retrieval

• decision-making

• understanding what others are thinking

• delaying gratification

What’s so interesting is that when the pre-frontal cortex has too little stimulation OR too much stimulation/stress the outcome is the same. Both lead to functional impairment such as foggy thinking, poor impulse control, poor decision-making, poor memory, and lack of empathy.

In other words, too little engagement and too much stress both take us to the same ineffective place. We can think of this in relation to the tale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears: when Goldilocks tastes the porridge, one is too cold, one is too hot and one is just right. In order to be at our best, we need to be in balance in that just right place.

So how do we get to this just right place?

Awareness of where you are on the curve is the starting point and from there you can start to think about how you can move along the curve. Working with a coach can help you see options you might not have seen because you've become tired and your thinking foggy. You may feel powerless to manage stress in a workplace when there is constant movement to do more with less. However, you can make small changes that will improve your mental well-being.

One organisation I really like is Mindapples, they promote the simple concept of 5 a day for the mind, just like we’re encouraged to eat our 5-a-day for our body. Mindapples can be things like walking in nature, yoga, knitting, surfing, and meeting a friend. What is your 5 a day?

Another organisation Action for Happiness has devised 10 Keys To Happier Living which are: Giving, Relating, Exercising, Appreciating, Trying Out, Direction, Resilience, Emotion, Acceptance, and Meaning.

What do you do to manage stress? Contact me for more information on coaching and stress management.

The Artist's Date. Creating time for you

When was the last time you took time out for yourself? Read my account of learning to find time for myself again.

A few years ago, I first embarked on Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, a course in discovering and recovering your creative self. It’s a book that takes you on a journey over 12 weeks, where you get to look at different parts of yourself and your creative blocks. Through the journey, you gradually start to reconnect to your creative self, your inner artist. Now, I had never considered myself to be an artist. I’m rubbish at drawing and painting (or so I was told at school), but since doing the Artist's Way I now see myself as creative. I appreciate that I’m musical, I can sing and dance - which is being an artist. We’re all artists in our own way. I now see my work as a coach and facilitator as being creative. As an example, being in the moment with a client and creating a question or designing a workshop.

Creative Clusters

A few months ago I started the Artist's Way again but this time with 3 friends who are all creative in their own way, be it in illustration, acting, dancing, or painting. We meet every two weeks to share our insights from the previous chapter and we encourage and support each other in between the meetings through a WhatsApp Group. It is magical and wonderful to be in a group that Julia Cameron refers to as Creative Clusters with Believing Mirrors. Each week there are various tasks to do, related to the theme of the week, plus two pivotal tools known as The Morning Pages and The Artist’s Date. Cameron writes “A lasting creative awakening requires the consistent use of both”.

What exactly is an Artist’s Date?

Julia Cameron states, “An artist date is a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist. In its most primary form, the artist date is an excursion, a play date that you pre-plan and defend against all interlopers. You do not take anyone on this artist’s date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a your creative child. That means no lovers, friends, spouses, children, - no taggers on of any stripe.”

So how have I got on with my Artist’s Dates?

Well, I have well-intentioned plans to do an artist’s date every Friday afternoon, finishing work at 3 pm. Some Fridays I’ve been successful, some I’ve squeezed in half an hour, and some I’ve failed.

Successful Dates

One of my successful Artist’s Dates was walking to Portobello Market, one Friday afternoon, in search of a jumpsuit for a friend’s Studio 54-themed birthday party. Before I left lots of voices were chatting inside my head telling me, “just go to Zara and quickly pick something up”, “what if you don’t find anything”, “you’ve left it too late, the market will have shut”. Cameron calls these voices our “wet blanket”. Despite this and bolstered by the support of my WhatsApp group, I headed to the market. I went into one of two shops and felt a bit hopeless because there wasn’t anything that was right. However, the 3rd shop I came across was very different. I had to ring the doorbell and two guys, funkily dressed, let me in. I explained what I was looking for and immediately one of the men found me two jumpsuits. Both were original 70s items. I tried one on, came out of the fitting room and the guy adjusted the sleeves for me and brought me out shoes and a few belts to try on with it. I felt very special and looked after and I even got a discount on the item. It was such a funny, unexpected, and memorable experience that brought me a lot of joy and for the rest of the day, I seemed to see things with new eyes.

Short Dates

Even my squeezed-in half-hour dates have lifted my spirits and created good memories. One Friday afternoon, having gotten caught up in a Twitter black hole, I didn’t finish work until 5 pm. Honouring my commitment to do an Artist’s Date, I decided I would walk from the Southbank Centre to Borough Market along the river. I walked around Borough Market, bought some gluten free-flapjacks, and felt inspired and reconnected again.

Booked Dates

I’ve since done a few Sunday artist's dates which I’ve booked in advance. These include getting up early Sunday morning to do a beginner knitting course at Tea and Crafting in Camden. I didn’t really fancy going at the time but having made the effort it genuinely reignited my love of knitting, polished my somewhat rusty skills, and introduced me to some really nice ladies. By the time the class had finished Camden Lock had come to life so I had a wander and really felt part of it.

Day Excursions

As a result of one of the Artist’s Way tasks, which was to do an artist’s day excursion on my own, last Sunday I went to Canterbury. I had booked the train a month ago and again when it came to going, I didn’t fancy heading out into the rain, minus 1 hour's sleep because the clocks had changed. And the wet blanket voice was telling me “this is ridiculous, what are you doing going to Canterbury?” Nevertheless, I went and enjoyed every moment of it. I loved having space and time to myself on the train journey, the different scenery, and the inspiration for other places I could go such as Whitstable and Herne Bay. I let go of expectations of myself and of others about what to do once I got there. The freedom of being able to do what I wanted was amazing. I went clothes shopping at M&S (yes I know they have M&S stores in London, but I rarely get the chance to go), I had mac n’ cheese in a cafe, I browsed in a sewing shop, and did an interactive tour through Chaucer's tales. I had a quick look at the cathedral. I felt a bit guilty not going in but it was my date to choose what I wanted to do. It was exciting.

Taking a risk

So although it’s not always done perfectly, and it can feel like a risk, when I allow myself to do an artist date, it brightens up my life and makes me feel more connected and joyful.

Working with a coach can seem like a risk, but can help you create time for yourself and reconnect with your creativity. Contact me for a free clarity session.

Signs that you are a workaholic

With the 24-hour accessibility we now have to our work, what can we do to switch off and avoid developing workaholic habits that eat into our precious lives?

I’ve been doing The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron for the last few months, looking at different blocks to creativity and joy. One of the most insidious blocks that I’ve uncovered is workaholism. It’s unlike other addictions such as drugs and alcohol because it is almost seen as a badge of honour in our society.

I often hear friends say: I’m so busy, I’m too busy, I can’t... I’m working. Often what they’re too busy for is actually something that would enhance their life. I have used work to avoid doing things that I know are good for me such as going for a swim or walk during the day. There’s always an excuse for one more thing to do related to work. The thing is, there will always be one more thing to do.

Workaholism is harder to pin down than alcoholism or drug addiction because it’s an addiction to a behaviour rather than to a substance. For alcoholics, it is more black and white, either you stop overdrinking or you die. For workaholism it is less straightforward, it's not either you stop overworking or you die. Although overwork can lead to burnout and maybe your soul does slowly die but it's more "acceptable".

In Julia Cameron’s book, she has the following Workaholism Quiz. Try it to see if you identify with any of these statements:

• I work outside office hours: seldom, often, never?

• I cancel dates with loved ones to do more work: seldom, often, never?

• I postpone outings until the deadline is over: seldom, often, never?

• I take work with me on weekends: seldom, often, never?

• I take work with me on vacations: seldom, often, never?

• I take vacations: seldom, often, never?

• My intimates complain I always work: seldom, often, never?

• I try to do two things at once: seldom, often, never?

• I allow myself free time between projects: seldom, often, never?

• I allow myself to achieve closure on tasks: seldom, often never?

• I procrastinate in finishing up the last loose ends: seldom, often, never?

• I set out to do one job and start on three more at the same time: seldom, often, never?

• I work in the evenings during family time: seldom, often, never?

• I allow calls to interrupt- and lengthen my work day: seldom, often, never?

• I prioritise my day to include an hour of creative work/play: seldom, often, never?

• I place my creative dreams before my work: seldom, often, never?

• I fall with others' plans and fill my free time with their agendas: seldom, often, never?

• I allow myself downtime to do nothing: seldom, often, never?

• I use the word deadline to describe and rationalize my workload: seldom, often, never?

• Going somewhere, even to dinner, with my work phone/devices is something I do: often, seldom, never?

Cameron maintains that workaholism is a block (not a building block) to creativity and joy. She says, “Work abuse creates in our artist a Cinderella Complex. We are always dreaming of the ball and always experiencing the ball and chain”.

So what can we do to overcome this treadmill of workaholism?

Here are 10 ideas that you could do in one hour to break a workaholism habit:

1. Walk along the river, through a park rather than take public transport

2. Prepare a picnic lunch and eat it outside

3. Visit a nearby gallery or a museum

4. Go for a swim in the outdoor swimming spaces

5. Hire a bike and explore your local area

6. Find a quiet place to read a fiction book

7. Meet up with friends in a new rooftop bar/cafe/restaurant

8. Visit a local tourist attraction

9. Take in a comedy show

10. Get a massage

Over to you. What will you do to go to the ball?

What boundaries do you need to put in place to make this happen? Is it finishing work at 6 pm? Or taking an hour for lunch? Or turning off your phone at 7 pm?

“When we are really honest with ourselves we must admit our lives are all that really belong to us. So it is how we use our lives that determines the kind of men we are.” Cesar Chavez

Are you having trouble with work-life balance and need some support to put some boundaries around your work? Then contact me for a consultation to get more of a handle on work and play.